And Then There are THOSE People . . . .

This past Sunday started out really well; Gary and I took a 15-mile round trip bike ride from here to the Chesapeake Bay.  I do well on the trails here because they are flat for the most part and not very strenuous.  The trail wends over marshes and into woodland, and even though you're right next to Route 50, it feels like you are miles away.  A family of deer were grazing not 20 feet from where we were riding.  We had paved trail for most of the ride, but then we jumped onto an oyster shell path that was bumpy, but still level and fun.  Years and years ago, when I was still working for the Department of Transportation, I joined some coworkers on a 30-mile bike ride from Easton to Oxford via ferry.  I did well and we ate great food in Oxford and I made it all the way back.

It was very cool to catch sight of the Bay Bridge from the trail and the walk along the shore was cooling after running down a really hot bit of sand to get there; we'd accomplished something good.  Getting back was hot and sweaty, but we knew the pool was waiting for us, so we kept on and arrived in pretty good shape.  I did get a little woozy from the exertion, but some water and fruit got me on good legs again.

During this time, Gary's parents had arrived at the marina in their tug.  His mom would join us later at the pool; his Dad walked over with us and we got lunch, which was pretty darn good.  I had chicken salad and the guys had fresh-grilled burgers.

For the first time this season, the pool called an "adult swim," which was very nice; I reveled in it for a while.  I am not a fan of being splashed, so it was sweet to just swim.

Gary's mom finally joined us and decided to do her usual exercise in the adult lap pool.  She dons a mask and snorkel and swims back and forth underwater for about 20 laps.  Typically, this isn't a problem.  Where she usually swims, the crowds are non-existent.  Today, at this pool, however, folks were congregating in the adult section to chat and have drinks.  But she was determined to do her exercise.

Gary's mom has been on drugs for depression and anxiety for more than 20 years.  The effect these drugs have is to make her very self-centered (in a protective way, I guess) and because of that, she doesn't care what people think and in fact, delights in bringing even negative attention to herself.  If you're speaking to her, she laughs at everything and yet hears almost nothing because of some script she has going on over and over in her head.  The effect on family and friends is a whole other story.

At this point, in the pool, I noticed that, instead of choosing the far (and empty) lane away from where everyone was congregating, she chose the closer lane and she swam right into the people, literally.  The first few passes it seemed were guessed to be mistakes, so no one said anything, but I could tell as time went on that she was being a nuisance.  Personal space is another thing that she has trouble with in social situations. 

After watching her a while and having both my husband and his father fall asleep in their pool lounge chairs, I had to do something. I walked over and jumped in the water to help direct her in the other direction.  The father of a young son at the end of the pool was teasing her, too, by doing the "Jaws" theme as she came towards them.   

I got her attention and told her what the effect of her swimming close to people was, and she said she didn't care because no one had said anything to her, and took off again.  I reached out and grabbed her and explained as firmly as possible that it was not appropriate to be swimming in the lane where the people were standing and mentioned how lovely and unblocked the far lane was looking.  I insisted that I wanted her to be in that lane only.  She got it, moved to that lane, and slowly swam away, doing her dog-paddle stroke underwater.  I thought I had solved the problem.

Unfortunately, the mixture of pool water, hot sun, and fermented hops causes grown men to act like little pricks.

Back in my chair, but keeping a sharp eye on the situation, I noticed that even though she was well enough away from the groups, these "men" were laughing about her and one of them had the audacity to time dives under her as she swam by to see if he could do it without her noticing.  "Oh, that was so funny; aren't we funny boys?" (And I have no respect for the women who were with them and watching and laughing along with them.)  

She had also knocked into some people dangling their feet in the water, so one of the guys thought it would be funny to lay back with his legs spread at the edge so that she would come up between his legs.  She turned before she got to him, thank goodness, but by that time, I'd had enough.

I hate confrontation and don't do it well as my throat closes up and I usually cry, but my hackles were up and I marched over to the group taunting her and yelled at them, "Don't you have anything better to do?"  Mumble, mumble from them.  I continued, "That is my mother-in-law you are mocking and I want you to stop right NOW!"  The jerk diver tried to be syrupy; "Oh, she's great; we like her!"  Again, I said, through gritted teeth, "Stop right now!"  He came back with, "And you are great, too!"  I just glared at him, pointed my finger at him, and with so much anger, my voice cracked, "STOP!"  I left them open mouthed; stupid numbskulls.

My heart was pounding so hard I was worried about stroking out.  I sat down and breathed in and out until I felt more relaxed.  The guys were still sleeping, so I just stewed and kept my eagle-momma-eye on that group. 

Now, I can tell you honestly that dealing with someone who has been diagnosed as mentally ill is very hard.  In this case, conversations are very one-sided.  Combative comments abound.  Regressive traits are not unusual.  Obsessive behavior is common.  And I know the huge cocktail of psychotropic drugs she is prescribed are such a hindrance to memory, common sense, and good decision-making.

BUT, these guys did not even know she was impaired in any way.  It seems they would do this to any older, more able woman who might take it upon herself to get some exercise.  Okay, the other woman may not have knocked into people haphazardly, I realize that, but still!  What would their mommas say if they saw this behavior?

Maybe I overreacted; I don't know.  I just couldn't stand to watch the drunk, infantile behavior anymore.  Maybe I'm just tired of pretending nothing is wrong.  My mother-in-law would never have known what happened because she is oblivious of her impact and can't tell when she's being abused or teased (or she blocks it from long years of experiencing it), but that absolutely doesn't make it right.  And it worries me, too, to think what may occur when she's out someday, somewhere, in the future, being taken advantage of or abused by someone else.  I hope that day never comes, but it could so easily happen.